Memories Linger
by Jarlaxle Baenre
Summary: Siriwan... they couldn't be together, and then she left the Jedi. But do memories go away? Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds...


Alright, it's a Siriwan fic. Obviously. Here's the thing, though: the only book I've read about Siri is half of Secrets of the Jedi. I didn't enjoy it that much. I love the _Star Wars_ movies, but Siri isn't in them. Then why am I writing a Siriwan? Because some of the fics out there are amazing. And they've made me fall in love with the Obi-wan/Siri pairing. And it was just so perfect. Forbidden love… what could be a better thing to write about than that? So, please, if I make any mistakes, feel free to correct me. Be it factual or otherwise, I'm going to need all the help I can get. I don't even know how plausible this is. Anyway, this is for Issy because she wrote the first Siriwan fic I read, and that started my obsession. I think it's a oneshot, though I might decide to extend it after I'm done with my other stories.

Oh, two more things: one, it's AU. At least, I think it is. Unless by some bizarre coincidence I'm writing along the exact same story line as some published _Star Wars_ book. I doubt it. Two, this obviously doesn't belong to me. All recognizable characters are George Lucas's or maybe Jude Watson's or something, but not mine. Anyway…

Blood trickled down the side of his face from a gash on his head. His wrists were lashed behind his back with cruelly tight bonds, and he had been stripped of his tunic, revealing long, healing cuts inflicted by the cruel beating of slavers.

Slavers. He cursed inwardly. He had been captured by slavers. His dignity might not have been so wounded had it been a Sith Lord, or even some organization that hated the Jedi, but _slavers_? Scowling, he leaned his head back against the wall. He should have been able to fight off mere _slavers_.

And of course, they had known immediately that he was a Jedi. His fighting tactics, his use of first the Force and then his lightsaber… everything pointed to it. He cursed again. Had he known to conceal it, he might have had a chance of escaping, but since they knew, they kept him under constant guard.

The same thought that had run through his mind a thousand times since they were attacked returned once more. What had happened to Anakin?

The engines on their starship had gone out, and they had practically crash-landed on Tatooine. Anakin had roamed to a distant, taller hill to see if he could get through with a transmitter. And then the slavers attacked.

The other thought that had run through his mind a thousand times since he was captured ran through it again. How did they do it?

How did a band of no more than ten slavers manage to capture and sedate a Jedi-Knight? They hadn't had any weapons worse than blasters, and only half of them had had those. What had they done that had ended in his captivity?

He heard voices down the corridor and closed his eyes wearily. They would never leave him alone.

"What was a Jedi Knight doing on Tatooine?" asked a voice—a female voice, much to his surprise.

"We checked out his ship. Her engines were down. He was probably stranded."

"Without an apprentice, though?"

So they hadn't caught Anakin. That was a relief.

The voices had reached his cell door. Someone was punching numbers into the keypad. The heavy metal doors slid open with a pneumatic hiss.

And standing in the doorframe was someone he'd never expected to see again.

"You," he managed to choke out.

The woman didn't answer. Her face was impassive, but the shock shone in her eyes. Her voice, though it showed no recognition, was slightly strained. "He's definitely a Jedi," she said slowly. "Bring him to me."

Two of the guards in his cell grasped his upper arms and hauled him to his feet, shoving him across the chrome floor to face the woman. Faster than it would take him to blink, she flicked a knife under his chin and forced his head up. Their eyes met.

They were the same eyes, the eyes that had intoxicated him and entranced him and allured him and made his knees weak so many years ago. They were the same eyes that had looked into his with love and compassion. They were the same eyes that he had wanted to gaze into forever. They were the same eyes, so beautiful, that had broken his heart.

Those same eyes now looked back at him with innumerable overwhelming emotions, none of which he could read. How he had loved to try to fathom them! Gazing into their infinite depths, he had always attempted to decipher what she was thinking. It was no different now than it had been then. He had absolutely no success.

"A Jedi-Knight," she said coolly, her composure unbroken. She withdrew the knife and began to walk away. "He is valuable, yes. Don't kill him. Yet."

"Siri!" he called after her. "Siri, listen to me! Look at yourself! Look at what you've chosen to make of your life! Siri!"

She stopped and turned around slowly. "Who," she asked, smiling coldly, "is Siri?"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

He was awoken by the sound of his cell doors sliding open once more. It must've been one or two in the morning: the lights in the station went off at eleven, and they had died several hours ago. He blinked blearily and reached instinctively for his lightsaber, though he knew perfectly well it wasn't there. He gazed at the dark shape entering the room.

"Get up," it hissed.

It was she.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Your Jedi Order has decided that our demands are too high. They won't trade for you. You're going to die in the morning."

"What does that have to do with you?" he asked, glaring at her. "Why should you care?"

She hissed angrily, "Why does it matter to you? I'm going to get you out of her. You're going to get away with your head attached to your shoulders. What more do you want?"

"Why are you doing this for me? Krayn will have your head if he even suspects your role in my escape."

She was silent, punching in a code on the cuffs that held his wrists.

"Tell me," he whispered in anguish.

She yanked the cuffs off angrily and stepped in front of him, glaring at him. "Because I loved you once," she whispered furiously. "That's the only part of my past that I've held on to. I can't let that die."

"You never loved me," he said bitterly, gazing at her defiantly. "It was Siri Tachi who loved me, it was Siri Tachi whom I fell in love with, it was not this… not this monster."

"Monster?" she asked, her beautiful eyes blazing fiercely. "Hardly more so than the Jedi. I've learned to see through your façade, Obi-wan Kenobi. You're trying to gain fame. Power, money, influence with the government. That's all the Jedi are anymore."

"You're wrong," he objected, his face barely inches from hers. "We're not what you think we are."

"The Jedi were once noble," she hissed, "but not anymore."

"How can you say that?" he demanded.

"How can I say that?" She laughed bitterly. "I'm not a part of the Jedi anymore, Obi-wan. I owe them no allegiance or deference."

"Then I ask again, why are you saving me?"

"Maybe I shouldn't," she retorted. "You probably deserve to die in the morning. I can forget you. You should forget me."

He shook his head in anguish. "You want me to act as though it never happened," he whispered hoarsely, his face still close to hers. "You want me to walk away and pretend I never loved you, that I never thought about leaving the Jedi just so that I could have you. You want me to act like we never kissed, you want to forget, pretend we've never met. I swear, Siri, I've tried and I've tried, but I can't. You walk through my thoughts and I fall to pieces."

"And what do you want from me?" she demanded in a strained voice, agony rending her words. "What can I do about it? You want me to go weak at the knees and fall into your arms and pretend everything is the same as it once was? It's not, Obi-wan, and it never will be. That chapter in my life is over. I can't go back."

"Then why haven't you shut me out?"

"Love—stubborn, obstinate, monstrous thing that it is—will not be denied."

"Then you love me."

"I did. I did love you, more than I ever loved anyone. But we could not be together then, and we can't now. I would still love you, but I can't let myself. We can't be together."

"Why not?" he asked softly. "Why?"

"Because we're too different. You're a Jedi, I'm a _slave trader_. You're a noble, honorable man. I'm—to use your delicate words—a monster."

"It doesn't have to be that way."

"Yes, it does."

"No, it doesn't."

"Prove it."

He did. He kissed her, passionately, furiously, hating her and loving her at once. "We can be what we once were," he whispered, and he kissed her again. "I can love you as I once did, and you can be the woman you once wanted to be." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her a third time. And she kissed him back.

"I can't, Obi-wan," she whispered as he kissed her forehead and her neck. "I can't give up this life. I'm tied to it."

"That didn't seem to be a problem when you gave up the Jedi." He brushed his lips against hers.

"Stop!" she cried angrily, pushing him away. "Stop it, don't do this to me! You're tearing me up inside." She turned away from him, brushing furiously at her eyes. "Go, Obi-wan. Get out of here. Your padawan is waiting in the hangar with a starship. The guards are drunk; you can slip past them. Go."

"I can't."

"You can, and you will," she insisted furiously. "Go, or I'll kill you myself."

"I can't lose you again."

"You're going to have to. We go separate ways from here on out, Obi-wan Kenobi. Let us only hope our paths never cross again."

"I can't just walk away from you, not now that I've seen you, talked to you, not now that I've held you in my arms. Siri, please!"

"_I_ can't."

"Why?"

"Because I can't."

"You can. Come with me, Siri. Be what you once were."

"No."

"A very wise woman once told me that will is character in action. Her name was Adi Gallia."

Siri faltered for a moment. "Is she… does she…"

"She aches for you. She loves you."

"I can't, Obi-wan. Go. Leave me!"

Slowly, every muscle and instinct in his body screaming against it, Obi-wan Kenobi turned. But he looked back over his shoulder. "I love you, Siri Tachi," he whispered.

"Go."

Turning towards the open doors, Obi-wan made himself walk out of the room. His padawan was awaiting him. He was free.

But he could have sworn as he left, the words followed him:

"I love you, Obi-wan Kenobi."


End file.
